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Love and Relationships

Denied | 8 Reasons Your Partner Won't Connect on Social Media

We look at 8 possible reasons why your boyfriend or girlfriend don't want to connect with you on Social Media.


Dympll Staff Writer


Feb 25, 2023

8 Reasons Your Partner Won't Accept Your Friend Request

  • Non-deceptive and legitimate possibilities
  • Deceptive and concerning possibilities
  • Suggestions for what to do next

What are reasons two people are dating and one of them doesn't want to be Facebook friends with the other?

Ok, we're going to break this down into two simple possibilities and expand a little on each.

The first possibility and probably the most likely, is that your boyfriend or girlfriend is worried about you either becoming aware of someone they're already connected with as friends on social media or they don't want the other person to either be aware of you or able to connect and contact you via social media.

The other possibility is that some people don't really use social media a lot and really do value some level of privacy, unrelated to the first possibility which was motivated by deception, this possibility is motivated by a desire for anonymity and privacy.

How do you know which possibility it might be? Before we get into that let's just quickly look more closely at the reasons for both possibilities and see if any of these might describe your significant other or even your relationship at this point.

Non-Deceptive Possibilities

We'll start with the second one which is they don't want to be friends on Facebook or other social media truly because of privacy or some other non-cheating or non-deceptive reason. Some signs or reasons this could be the case are:

1. Privacy: We mentioned they like their privacy. Do they really try to avoid social media in general? How often do they post things? If they are truly a very private person they would likely never post anything, probably try to avoid people posting picture of them, and have a relatively small social network that primarily consists of family members and either never adds new people as friends or follows on social media or it's very rare.

2. Past Experiences: They may have had a bad experience in the past, such as a breakup that played out publicly on social media or a situation where a partner used their posts against them. There's also evidence that sometimes social media can lead to negative behaviors such as social stalking a significant other, increased jealousy, and trust issues due to misreading social media information and their own insecurities. One study published in "Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking" in 2015 indicated that "Facebook surveillance" (regularly checking a partner's Facebook activities) was associated with increased jealousy in relationships. The focus here was on monitoring exes, but it also applies to current relationships as well. If this played out in your partners past previously, they may be hesitant to put themselves in the same situation by connecting with a new partner on social media too quickly. Chances are you would probably already know about this, but it's certainly a possibility.

3. Early Stages of the Relationship: How long have the two of you been together? If the relationship is still very new, one person might feel it's too soon to become Facebook friends. They may want to get to know each other better first and establish the relationship more before involving social media. There's really nothing wrong taking a little time in this case. Yes, at some point the relationship isn't new anymore and if it's serious and committed, and they are not social media adverse, then you are well within your serious dating rights to understand what the hold-up is. We'll also mention that there is a difference between adding someone who is just a friend vs. someone that is a potential romantic partner. You're relationship is or will be on a different level so with this could come a little more caution in the beginning.

4. Maintaining Independence: This one goes a little hand in hand with #3. Maintaining a sense of individuality in a relationship can be very important, and keeping certain parts of life separate, like social media accounts, can be a part of that. Maybe this is just how your person is, but you'd know if they're like this with everyone and not just you.

Deceptive Possibilities

Now let's take a look at some of the more sketchy reasons why a boyfriend or girlfriend would want to be unconnected from you on social media. Because unfortunately, a desire to hide infidelity or intentions to cheat, can also be a reason why your partner doesn't want to add you to their network, and be worried about a level of transparency that could potentially get them in trouble.

5. Concealing Relationships: Face it, unless they really just don't care, if a person is engaged in or considering infidelity, they would not want to risk you becoming aware of their more than friends closeness with the other person, or the possibility that someone would post some incriminating evidence that could be a simple as a flirty message, comments, like, or tag.

6. Hiding Activities: If they're actively engaged in an affair they could be using social media to plan or discuss activities they don't want you to know about. If phone calls or texts are too risky, burying communication in social media might be the only way to connect and plan things.

7. Avoiding Evidence: Very similar to #6, if your significant other is engaged in infidelity, not being friends on Facebook could make it more difficult for you to see other things that they may want to share such as pictures or other media.

8. Maintaining Appearances: We hate to say it, but there's also the possibility that it's only a secret from you and they might want to present a certain image to others on social media, which could be compromised and reveal their big lie is you were to see their posts and comment on anything or challenge whatever story they're spinning to others.

How do you talk to them about what's bothering you?

If you have any issues with not being invited to connect with your significant other on social media, it's important to address this issue directly. This can be a sensitive topic for both sides so before coming in too hot, remember to:

Reflect: Before bringing up the issue with your boyfriend or girlfriend, take some time to reflect on why it bothers you. Are you feeling left out? Is it causing trust issues? Are you worried about what they might be hiding? Getting clear on your feelings can help you articulate your concerns effectively.

Open Dialogue: Once you have a clear understanding of your feelings, initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner. It's crucial to approach the conversation in a non-confrontational manner. Begin by expressing how you feel, using "I" statements to avoid blame and to keep the focus on your emotions rather than their actions. For example, you might say, "I've been feeling a little uneasy because we're not connected on Facebook, but you're active with other people. I was hoping we could talk about it."

Listen: After expressing your feelings, be sure to give them space to share their perspective. They may have reasons that you hadn't considered. Listening to their side of the story is just as important as expressing your concerns.

Understand their Perspective: Try to understand your partner's reasons for not wanting to connect on social media. As we mentioned before, these could be various and might not be a reflection of their feelings towards you or the relationship.

Negotiate a Solution: If your partner is open to it, try to negotiate a solution that respects both your needs and their preferences. This might involve compromising on certain aspects or finding other ways to build trust and openness in your relationship.

Seek Help: If you can't resolve the issue on your own or if it's causing significant distress, consider seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance and strategies for effective communication and conflict resolution.


It's important to remember that not wanting to be Facebook friends isn't proof of infidelity. There can be many innocent reasons for this preference, as we've just discussed. But, it's also import to make sure you take care of yourself and your feelings. If you know they're not very active on social media and rarely post, add friends, or interact on social media, this is quite a different conversation than someone that adds new people they meet routinely on social media and they post and comment all the time. All you can do is let them know how you're feeing and if you don't feel good about the answer or the resolution, it's up to you to decide whether the relationship is healthy and working for you. There need to be a balance and you don't want to over or under react. Talk with friends to get heir perspective and, if you're really struggling, speak with a professional. We all deserve to be in a relationship that where we feel loved, secure, and trusted. It goes both ways and begins with honest communication.

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The 23 Best Breakup Support Books and Why

Disclosure: This article was not written by a medical professional, unless specifically stated otherwise. Advice or support content is not intended to be either professional medical or mental health advice or recommendations. All support and advice is from direct and/or anecdotal contributor/author experiences and topic research. If you are experiencing a physical or mental health emergency or mental or physical abuse, please seek professional support. Some of the links in this article may be affiliate links, which can provide compensation to us, at no cost to you when you decide to purchase a reviewed product.


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